Dear America, I am not from insertcountryhere

“That’s an awfully thick accent.” “That’s an interesting/cute/incomprehensible accent. Where are you from?” “We get a lot of English people here.” “Do you know that short English comedian? No … but that guy is English he might.” “Let me guess you’re from England/Scotland/Ireland/New Zealand/South Africa/Denmark?”

So Americans are shite at accents. Totally shite. Ask yourself who can’t tell an American accent? Hands up - yes you at the back - okay I’ll grant the exception of occasional Canadian mix-ups. But seriously? It’s not hard - hear accent - brain clicks “American”.

Generally speaking I can also tell citizens of other English-speaking countries pretty easily - I mean I sometimes can’t understand a word they are saying, hello Scotland, but I know where they are from. I’m even pretty good at picking South African from Rhodesian/Zimbabwean (white Rhodesian ex-girlfriend).

So why can’t Americans work it out? Is it because they are so insular and refuse to believe that anyone speaks English outside in that strange place called “not-America”? Is it is because they are ignorant and not exposed to the same accents we are? I just don’t know but surely you can at least tell the difference between and Aussie and a Kiwi?!? /hint We’re the ones not shagging sheep…. :P

P.S. And I am not kidding about Denmark. Huh? Denmark?

P.P.S This is somewhat of a sweeping generalisation I know but seriously 80% of people I meet can’t work out where I am from. It’s not isolated.